Yeah, About That Untouched Business...

Yeah, I'm calling that whole thing off. And as a reminder to myself about how "NOT EVERYHING MAKES A GREAT BLOG POST", I'm not deleting that whole mess from this blog.

You know what? Some ideas are best kept to yourself. This was one of those.

So, don't come up to me and gloat because I tried it and then called it off. I don't want to talk about my masturbation habits with you. Let's just go back to that age-old unspoken agreement where you pretend that I don't do it and I don't correct you on it. Just like we both pretend that YOU don't do it and you don't correct me on it. (With the primary difference being that if YOU decide to try to quit for 30 days, I won't know about it.)

And this isn't because I tried and failed, although, technically that's exactly what happened. This is because there's this lovely nice girl at work who occasionally reads my blog and I saw her on Saturday night and thought to myself, "Oh God, what if she's looking at me right now and is thinking about how much I do or do not masturbate?!?" Can there be anything worse than that? No wonder she doesn't hang out with me socially. I sound and act like a crazy person on this blog. Well, an entertainingly public crazy person.

So, yes, let's quietly shelve this up there with the other dumb things I tried to do in my life, right between "At the age of 12, tried to get my name legally changed to Chester" and "the summer I dressed exclusively in clothes as seen on Miami Vice and was about 60 pounds overweight". God, there've been some bonehead ideas in my day. This was one of those.

Everyone go about your business. Watch a funny YouTube video or something. Let's pretend this never happened. Move along.

Recoiling in shame,
Mr.B



PS. Good Christ, I made a blogger tag for this thing. As if there were going to be so many entertaining posts about it, that I would need a system to track them all. Lord help me. Sometimes I am a fool.